An earlier version of this story originally appeared in Scot Scoop.
At almost two years old, Ganga Nadella’s youngest son couldn’t eat solid foods or speak. As both a physician and a mother, Nadella quickly became concerned. Looking to understand what was going on, she reached out to a social worker.
After some time, Nadella received an answer, when her son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Autism encompasses a wide range of traits that can affect someone’s life to varying degrees, which is why it’s described as a spectrum. For some autistic individuals, the extent of the diagnosis can be trouble with repetitive behaviors or with certain neurotypical social cues, which can be navigated with support and intervention. Others need much more help in everyday life. Because Nadella’s son couldn’t speak, he is considered to have higher needs than some who have milder diagnoses.
For Nadella, receiving the news that her son would need significant interventions for the rest of his life was difficult. “It’s not like someone tells you you only have six months to live,” Nadella said, “but all of a sudden you get this news about how your two-year-old is never going to have a normal life.”
Her family’s story is one of many, as parents across the country navigate similar diagnoses every year and seek to understand the scope of their children’s diagnosis. For parents, the adjustment to the news — and to the new roles they must play — isn’t always easy. Invisible to most people, these parents are working hard to provide for their kids’ unique needs and create an environment in which they can thrive.
According to the CDC’s Autism and Developmental Disabilities Monitoring Network, autism spectrum disorder — one kind of neurodivergence — is present in 1 in 31 children. ASD represents a wide array, including those who lead independent lives and may never need or seek formal diagnosis, as well as some who need one-on-one assistance. Neurodivergence, by contrast, refers more broadly to any neurological disorder or disability, from ADHD to Tourette’s.
While ASD can bring challenges, children with autism grow up to live successful lives with help or independently.
As parents process the news of a diagnosis and support their children, they can experience challenges of their own.
According to a 2025 study published in the Archives of Psychiatric Nursing, parents of children diagnosed with autism may go through a grieving process. “I was first confused because I didn’t know exactly what it would mean for his future,” said Gautum Nadella, Ganga Nadella’s husband. “Then I was a bit sad.”
Parents also sometimes have to play more roles in their children’s lives than is common for neurotypical kids.“I often tell parents of children with autism or developmental differences that they have to wear multiple hats,” said Tracy Jordan, a child therapist and researcher. “They’re parents, but they also have to be therapists, teachers, advocates, and friends.”
Researchers wrote in Springer Nature in 2023 that parents of ASD children commonly exhibit elevated stress markers. Other researchers also found in the same year that parents of neurodivergent children experience elevated stress and significant emotional challenges stemming from the diagnosis.
“The most challenging part of having a neurodiverse child or children is coping with their emotion regulation, particularly with regard to anxiety, agitation, and feeling despondent,” said Tony Attwood, a clinical psychologist specializing in neurodiversity and developmental disorders.
Parents may also feel secluded due to a lack of immediate community or support. “It’s really, really isolating,” Ganga Nadella said. “I felt that with both my kids. They both have a lot of different needs, and when your child has a really severe disorder, you can’t really mix with other families.”
It may be difficult for parents to navigate neurodivergence in their families, but this does not mean it is impossible or ungratifying, say experts. Just as the Nadellas did, many parents quickly learn to support their neurodivergent children.
For the Nadellas, that in part meant tapping into the multiple organizations and centers in the San Francisco Bay Area dedicated to helping parents and their neurodiverse children. “We’re lucky because we live in a county that provides a lot of resources for disabled individuals,” Ganga Nadella said.
One of the many ways the Nadellas’ son is given the love and support he needs is through soccer. Every week, he learns the sport through the American Youth Soccer Organization’s Everyone Plays in our Community program, where volunteer high schoolers engage and excite the players.
Through the program, he has learned not just about soccer, but also about positive communication and companionship, the Nadellas said.
Getting their son into that program is one of the ways the Nadellas have created a “neuro-affirming” environment — a physical and psychological space where neurodivergent individuals feel safe and accepted for who they are. Building one requires those around the individuals to view neurological differences as natural variations rather than as defects that need fixing.
According to The Autism Service, using neuro-affirming language creates a more supportive space and empowers neurodivergent individuals; this includes moving away from clinical terminology and using colloquial, upbeat diction. A positive attitude is essential, too — experts say that maintaining it when interacting with neurodivergent individuals encourages the child and helps parents feel more optimistic.
Implementing flexible and accessible communication methods, such as sign language or an augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) device, is another way to create a neuro-affirming environment, since that can help keep family members on the same page, experts say.
Sensory accommodations can also create safe spaces for neurodivergent individuals. The strategy calls for patience when a child or adult refuses to wear or eat something due to its texture, and sensory tools such as fidget devices to reduce anxiety and the impact of overwhelming stimuli.
“Some parents have an expectation that their child will go up to doors, say trick or treat, and wear their costume all night on Halloween,” Jordan said. “But for a child with autism who might have sensory sensitivities to the clothing, materials, costumes, or who might feel very uncomfortable about approaching strangers, it can feel like a huge accomplishment.”
There are myriad ways in which the Nadellas strive to create an accepting and supportive environment that helps their son thrive, interact, and communicate. He uses an AAC device and has a therapist and an understanding teacher, among other resources.
“My favorite part of working with neurodiverse children and their families is the creativity and compassion of parents and the neurodiverse child’s determination to overcome many of the difficulties they face, especially at school,” Attwood said.
Although families of kids with high-needs forms of autism may not always be able to communicate or express their feelings in the same way neurotypical families can, they still have their unique methods of giving each other care and love. And while the diagnosis and ongoing accommodations may sometimes prove difficult or stressful for parents, especially at first, Jordan emphasizes there are challenges in every family, whether kids are neurotypical or neurodivergent. He said, “the challenges might look different, but there are always bright spots.”
