An earlier version of this story was originally published in our local affiliate, Nashville SUNN.
The cure to all your dating woes can be found in the back of a bowling alley on the outskirts of East Nashville every Tuesday night. Just follow the multicolored carpet all the way to the back of East Side Bowl, pay the cover and saunter into the room.
Let the music wash over you and seep into your soul as the rhythm courses through your feet. Shimmy along the outskirts of all the swaying skirts and shuffling boots. Then, take the first hand that stretches out in your direction and spin around the dance floor for a song.
Under the dim lights, to the beat of an old-timey country song, and in the smiles of those who whirl around you, lies the two-step solution to modern dating culture — and you can find it in honkytonk bars and dance halls from coast to coast.
The two steps are simple: First, put on some dancing shoes (preferably a good pair of boots). Second, go two-stepping. That’s it. The country-western dance is the comfortable, low-risk dating space that our generation is desperately searching for. So let’s delete the apps, ditch the bars, hit the dance floor and be open to what might — or might not — happen next.
It’s time that we, as members of Gen Z, do more than sit on the sidelines (only 30% of us are actively dating!) and stop complaining about our dating lives. It’s undeniable that we lack a lot of fundamental dating skills: Only 1-in-3 of adult men feel comfortable approaching someone who they are romantically interested in, and only 36%t of young adults express confidence in picking up on social cues on dates, according to a new study by the Wheatley Institute. But that’s no excuse.
We can either continue to live in a social media-fueled fantasy world, refuse to approach each other, look for what we think we want rather than who we might actually fall in love with and eventually give up completely (though it’s never dire enough to turn to AI, I promise), or we can take a step — or two — toward fixing modern dating.
Unlike scrolling on a dating app or sitting at a bar, two-step can’t be done alone. You can linger alone on the edge of the room, but if you actually want to dance (which you definitely do), you need a partner. In two-step, being approached by someone new is not only expected — it’s actually appreciated.
When you reach out and grab the hand that’s extended towards you, it’s only a three-minute commitment. You could be too young, too old, too short, or not even remotely someone’s type and they will likely still be willing to spin around the floor with you for a song. No more three-week long talking stages on Hinge only to get ghosted out of the blue, or urgently side-eyeing your friends to get them to come save you from a boring, endless conversation at the bar.
Instead, for a quick song, you’ll get to spin around the floor, dancing among hundreds of other people chatting, laughing and occasionally stepping on each other’s boots. Most of the time, when the band strikes their final note, you’ll exchange names and a final laugh or simply say ‘thank you’ for the dance as you part ways. A few feet away, a new partner awaits you.
But, every once in a while, sparks fly and one dance flows into another as the rest of the room melts away. It feels natural and a little retro, like a small remnant of a dating culture that we often romanticize.
And you can do it in more places than you might expect — it’s not just a Nashville, or even a Southern, phenomenon. You can two-step at Honky Tonkin’ in Queens and Manhattan’s Big Apple Ranch, and at Hoot & Holler and Rain Country Dance Association in Seattle. Even downtown Ann Arbor and Boston have honkytonks.
You might find your forever dance partner, or you might not. I know I haven’t, yet. Thankfully, two-step does more than create a comfortable, low-risk space to meet potential romantic matches — it also pushes you to pick up some great dating skills along the way. A study on the effects of partner dancing found that 80% of participants felt more comfortable making and keeping eye contact, 89% were less nervous in social situations and 93% experienced increased self-confidence after taking classes. Your future partner might not be out on the dance floor with you, but your experience might just help you meet them elsewhere.
So, if you happen to be free in Nashville on a Tuesday night, put on your boots and come join me and my friends at Honky Tonk Tuesday — or join us in spirit at your local country bar. Ditch the dating apps and the bars. Embrace the two-step. Dance with 30 different people in one night. You might get your toes stepped on, you might get a little giggly when your partner dips you so deep that your feet fly off the floor, you might meet someone or you might just leave alone. No matter what, I bet you your cover charge that you’ll be back for another week of some good old-fashioned country music and two-step.
