As Valentine’s Day approaches, the stats on Gen Z’s romantic habits seem to suggest, at least at first glance and if you read certain internet chatter, that young people just aren’t as into love as previous generations.
Fewer Gen Z adults are going steady, with over 60 percent of adult men under 30 saying they are not in a relationship, and more than a third of women in the same age range saying the same; we are far more likely to be single than our parents, grandparents, or even older siblings. Our generation is also having less sex — in 2024, nearly a quarter of adults 18 to 29 reported having no sex in the past year, a doubling since 2010 — and spending less money on dates. Roughly half of under-28s drop not a single dollar on dates each month, according to a 2025 Bank of America study.
I wanted to know what all of this actually tells us about Gen Z romance. Are we disengaged from love, or is there something else going on?
To make sense of the data beyond the headlines, I spoke with Rachel Janfaza, founder of The Up & Up, a qualitative research, media, and strategy firm focused on all things Gen Z. She said qualitative research methods like focus groups are valuable because they create space for nuance and reflection on personal topics like relationships — which can help paint a fuller picture of Gen Z romance than polls and studies alone can. In my conversation with her, one thing quickly became clear: There’s more to what’s going on in Gen Z hearts than meets the eye.
I see stereotypes and assumptions online that Gen Z is romantically lazy or unwilling to put effort into dating. Is that true?
Janfaza said it’s far more complicated than that. “I wouldn’t say it’s laziness,” she began. She pointed instead to a few factors shaping why Gen Z is, by many markers, struggling more romantically than previous generations have at the same life stage. For one, she said, ours is a generation that grew up in a world of instant gratification, whether that be from parents committed to meeting every need immediately or the lightning pace of technology, while dating by its nature is something that requires patience.
For another, she added that COVID stripped away key adolescent experiences, which for many people prevented full development of patience and other traits that are important for dating, like emotional resilience and social confidence, or even tolerance for the kind of low-stakes rejection that comes with the territory of approaching people you want to ask out.
In focus groups with Gen Z, Janfaza said girls often admit they never learned how to flirt, so they’re at a loss for how to initiate an interaction when they see someone they want to approach.
Long bouts of isolation during COVID disrupted the social fabric, she said. That reduced “not just dating opportunities but general social comfort, while increasing reliance on technology, creating a perfect storm, rather than a lack of motivation.”
Studies show Gen Z is having less sex than previous generations. Does this mean there’s less interest in physical intimacy?
On this point, Janfaza was clear — Gen Z is not rejecting intimacy. The lower rates of sexual activity instead reflect fear and heightened caution, she believes. For one, there’s that lack of resilience around rejection thanks to the social isolation COVID created. Being “bubble wrapped” by protective parents also limited young people’s opportunities to build the kind of confidence necessary for approaching people they’re interested in, she said.
She added that there’s also something else behind the lower rates of sex: The skittishness felt by young men who began their dating lives in a post-#MeToo world. “Consent conversations are important and necessary,” Janfaza said. “But young people have taken that seriously. Some young men in particular are afraid of being misinterpreted. That makes initiation more complicated.”
She suggested that rather than avoiding physical intimacy, our generation may be redefining when intimacy happens in the course of relationship progression. For many, she said, emotional safety and clarity often come before physical connection.
Many Gen Zers are spending little or nothing on dates. Does that reflect disinterest?
It doesn’t seem to. Instead, she explained, it reflects how young people are allocating limited resources at a time of economic need. Money is tight for our generation. With the cost of education growing and job instability on the rise, Janfaza said Gen Z is forced to think practically about money matters earlier than previous generations. And when resources are scarce, she added, young people are more likely to spend on friendships and experiences that feel more emotionally reliable than romantic dates that may or may not lead to a sustained connection.
She also mentioned that for Gen Zers who are in relationships, big conversations about finances and stability are coming sooner.
What do you most want people to understand about how Gen Z experiences romance?
Janfaza said that much of the existing research on the matter frames young people’s dating struggles as individual failures, rather than as the result of structural conditions like COVID, the rise of social media, and economic conditions. Often, she added, stories told about Gen Z and romance pit young men and women against each other rather than acknowledging shared external pressures both groups are facing.
“Many Gen Zers want relationships,” she explained. “But there’s outside noise — that complicates everything.”